Sighing loudly in frustration, I continue to toss and turn in bed. I can't get comfortable. I need Gary. It's past two and he still hasn't called. I shouldnt worry, I know I shouldn't because he's probably still on the plane, but I can't help it. I miss him so much already and he's only been gone eight hours. How the hell am I suppose to last ten days with I'm in a different time zone? My eyes are heavy and I know I'm exhausted, Ethan will be awake any minute because he's lost his dummy and I'll have to go and see to that. There's no point in me going to sleep at all in fact.
The sound of my vibrating phone jolts me from my heavy day dream. Scrambling, frantically, I pull it from under the pillow and hit answer.
"Hello?" I croak.
"Hey baby, it's me." Gary's voice is hoarse and thick with sleep.
"I've just landed, I'm getting into the taxi to take me to the hotel now."
"Okay." I smile down the phone, irrational relief flooding though my body. "How was the flight?"
"Awful." Gary breathes in response. "I needed some company..."
"What are you implying Mr Barlow?" I half smile, half frown, even though he can't see me.
"Oh nothing." Comes the reply, "Just saying that my flights are usually better when you're sat next to me... Or on top of me."
"Gary.." I scold softly, pulling the covers up to my chin.
"You should be asleep." Garys tone changes suddenly, it's lower now, and brimming with concern.
"I was worried about you." I murmur.
"Well stop it. I'm a big boy, I can look after myself. Sleep now baby."
"Can't." I whisper, I'm exhausted and I have no energy to speak, but I don't want to sleep yet, I can't sleep yet. I need Gary with me.
"Sleep." Gary repeats.
"I miss you." I find myself suddenly choking back tears as I roll onto my back and push my head into the pillow. "It's not the same with out you." My voice quietens and I'm not sure whether the the end of the sentence is even audible.
"Libby I know.." Gary breathes, "You know I want you here with me."
"Then why wouldn't you let me come?" I choke, suddenly feeling a little more than rejected.
"Because your dad is ill Libby and your mum needs you." He groans in what I think is exasperation.
"But I need you." I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I feel a single tear roll down my cheek. "And Ethan wants his daddy."
"Libby don't." Gary mutters and I think I've hit a raw nerve.
Right on que, the crackle of the baby monitor comes to life and Ethans grizzled cry fills the bedroom.
"Hang on," I mutter to Gary, "Ethans up, stay on the phone ok." I don't wait for a reply as I slip out of bed and pad across to Ethas nursery.
"Mumma." The toddler sniffles through his tears as he struggles to his feet in the bright white cot.
"Hey baby." I breathe, "It's okay, Mummy's here."
"Mumma." Ethan sniffles again as I lift him into the air and against my chest.
"Hey.." I soothe gently, stroking his blonde hair as I carry him back to the bedroom. "It's okay, do you want to speak to daddy?"
"'Addy?!" Ethan's face lights up as I set him down against the headboard of the double bed and retrieve the phone from my pillow.
"Yes!" I smile, putting the phone on loud speaker and setting it down in front of the toddler. "It's daddy, Say hello!"
"'Addy?.." Ethan breathes curiously down the phone.
"Hello monster!"
"Addy!" Ethan giggles in delight and bounces happily on the spot.
"Hey baby boy!" Gary laughs a laugh that makes my heart melt a little. "Are looking after Mummy?"
Ethan turns and grins at me happily and I nod encouragingly towards the phone.
"Yes!" He giggles, clapping his small hands in front of his face.
"Good boy!" Gary gasps from the other end of the line. "I'll bring you a present went I get home eh? How about that?"
"Come.. H-ome, now 'addy!" Ethan half asks, half chants as he gets to grips with his words.
"Ahh monster.." Gary groans heavily and I can tell its hurting him. "I can't come home yet."
"W-Why 'Addy?.." Ethans bottom lip begins to tremble as his face reddens once more.
"Eh." I breathe, pulling the toddler onto my lap, allowing him to bury his face in my chest and he swallow his tears. "Say bye bye to daddy, Ethe. Come on." I coax softly, picking the phone up and placing it in my lap.
"Bye Bye 'Addy." Ethan sniffs quietly, waving a little hand at the phone as my heart clenches.
"Bye Bye Monster." Gary breathes, and I can tell its hurting him. "I love you lots, I'll see you soon okay? Real soon?"
Ethan just nods slowly against my chest as I take the phone from loudspeaker and press it back to my ear.
"Hey.." I breathe out slowly.
"Why did you have to put him on the phone?" Gary growls quickly.
"He wanted to speak to daddy." I swallow, trying to gage his reaction.
"Fucks sake.." Gary groans and Incan tell hes rubbing a hand across his stubbled chin. "I've only been here an hour and I want to come home already."
"Then come home." I whisper, clinging onto the tinest bit of hope.
"Libby you know I can't. Now come on, it's past three. Go to bed beautiful."
"I can't sleep without you." I choke and suddenly I feel like a sixteen year old school girl with a crush as tears burn my eyes again. I'm past exhausted.
"Libby, go to sleep. I'm going to hang up okay? I love you."
"Don't go." I choke desperately. "Please."
"Libby. I love you okay."
"I love you too.." I whisper, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip as my heart tightens. "Call in the morning."
"I will Beautiful." Gary breathes and the then he's gone.
I shake my head desperately at my pathetic approach to the situation as I curl up under the covers, moving over to Gary's side of the bed and inhaling his scent as I pull Ethan down next to me.
"I sleep, with-you?" He furrows his little brow as I wrap arm around him, pulling him away from the edge of the bed.
"Yes baby." I brave a smile, ducking my neck to hiss his forehead. "You sleep with mummy tonight."
The sound of my vibrating phone jolts me from my heavy day dream. Scrambling, frantically, I pull it from under the pillow and hit answer.
"Hello?" I croak.
"Hey baby, it's me." Gary's voice is hoarse and thick with sleep.
"I've just landed, I'm getting into the taxi to take me to the hotel now."
"Okay." I smile down the phone, irrational relief flooding though my body. "How was the flight?"
"Awful." Gary breathes in response. "I needed some company..."
"What are you implying Mr Barlow?" I half smile, half frown, even though he can't see me.
"Oh nothing." Comes the reply, "Just saying that my flights are usually better when you're sat next to me... Or on top of me."
"Gary.." I scold softly, pulling the covers up to my chin.
"You should be asleep." Garys tone changes suddenly, it's lower now, and brimming with concern.
"I was worried about you." I murmur.
"Well stop it. I'm a big boy, I can look after myself. Sleep now baby."
"Can't." I whisper, I'm exhausted and I have no energy to speak, but I don't want to sleep yet, I can't sleep yet. I need Gary with me.
"Sleep." Gary repeats.
"I miss you." I find myself suddenly choking back tears as I roll onto my back and push my head into the pillow. "It's not the same with out you." My voice quietens and I'm not sure whether the the end of the sentence is even audible.
"Libby I know.." Gary breathes, "You know I want you here with me."
"Then why wouldn't you let me come?" I choke, suddenly feeling a little more than rejected.
"Because your dad is ill Libby and your mum needs you." He groans in what I think is exasperation.
"But I need you." I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I feel a single tear roll down my cheek. "And Ethan wants his daddy."
"Libby don't." Gary mutters and I think I've hit a raw nerve.
Right on que, the crackle of the baby monitor comes to life and Ethans grizzled cry fills the bedroom.
"Hang on," I mutter to Gary, "Ethans up, stay on the phone ok." I don't wait for a reply as I slip out of bed and pad across to Ethas nursery.
"Mumma." The toddler sniffles through his tears as he struggles to his feet in the bright white cot.
"Hey baby." I breathe, "It's okay, Mummy's here."
"Mumma." Ethan sniffles again as I lift him into the air and against my chest.
"Hey.." I soothe gently, stroking his blonde hair as I carry him back to the bedroom. "It's okay, do you want to speak to daddy?"
"'Addy?!" Ethan's face lights up as I set him down against the headboard of the double bed and retrieve the phone from my pillow.
"Yes!" I smile, putting the phone on loud speaker and setting it down in front of the toddler. "It's daddy, Say hello!"
"'Addy?.." Ethan breathes curiously down the phone.
"Hello monster!"
"Addy!" Ethan giggles in delight and bounces happily on the spot.
"Hey baby boy!" Gary laughs a laugh that makes my heart melt a little. "Are looking after Mummy?"
Ethan turns and grins at me happily and I nod encouragingly towards the phone.
"Yes!" He giggles, clapping his small hands in front of his face.
"Good boy!" Gary gasps from the other end of the line. "I'll bring you a present went I get home eh? How about that?"
"Come.. H-ome, now 'addy!" Ethan half asks, half chants as he gets to grips with his words.
"Ahh monster.." Gary groans heavily and I can tell its hurting him. "I can't come home yet."
"W-Why 'Addy?.." Ethans bottom lip begins to tremble as his face reddens once more.
"Eh." I breathe, pulling the toddler onto my lap, allowing him to bury his face in my chest and he swallow his tears. "Say bye bye to daddy, Ethe. Come on." I coax softly, picking the phone up and placing it in my lap.
"Bye Bye 'Addy." Ethan sniffs quietly, waving a little hand at the phone as my heart clenches.
"Bye Bye Monster." Gary breathes, and I can tell its hurting him. "I love you lots, I'll see you soon okay? Real soon?"
Ethan just nods slowly against my chest as I take the phone from loudspeaker and press it back to my ear.
"Hey.." I breathe out slowly.
"Why did you have to put him on the phone?" Gary growls quickly.
"He wanted to speak to daddy." I swallow, trying to gage his reaction.
"Fucks sake.." Gary groans and Incan tell hes rubbing a hand across his stubbled chin. "I've only been here an hour and I want to come home already."
"Then come home." I whisper, clinging onto the tinest bit of hope.
"Libby you know I can't. Now come on, it's past three. Go to bed beautiful."
"I can't sleep without you." I choke and suddenly I feel like a sixteen year old school girl with a crush as tears burn my eyes again. I'm past exhausted.
"Libby, go to sleep. I'm going to hang up okay? I love you."
"Don't go." I choke desperately. "Please."
"Libby. I love you okay."
"I love you too.." I whisper, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip as my heart tightens. "Call in the morning."
"I will Beautiful." Gary breathes and the then he's gone.
I shake my head desperately at my pathetic approach to the situation as I curl up under the covers, moving over to Gary's side of the bed and inhaling his scent as I pull Ethan down next to me.
"I sleep, with-you?" He furrows his little brow as I wrap arm around him, pulling him away from the edge of the bed.
"Yes baby." I brave a smile, ducking my neck to hiss his forehead. "You sleep with mummy tonight."
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