"Mumma!" Ethan's face lights up as I walk into the kitchen. "Mumma!" He repeats, stretching his arms and staining to get out of the playpen as I near.
"Hello baby boy." I smile, reaching down and lifting him into my arms. "Wheres daddy eh?"
"Where 'Addy?" Ethan repeats, holding his arms up in confusion. I laugh gently against the top of his head as i walk through to the living room and crash down on the settee.
"'Addyyy, where are youuu?" Ethan calls again, his eyes scanning the living room in search of Gary. I half laugh, half sigh again as i bounce Ethan a little. What the hell has gotten into Gary? I mean, he over reacted, he totally fucking over reacted. Nearly died? I dont think so. If that had been any other day hed be waiting on me hand and foot now making sure i didnt move, not pinning me against the wall. What the fuck was that all about?! Idly, i loose Ethan as he begins to struggle on my lap, and watch as he wonders contently over to the coffee table and picks up the remote control, his little brow furrowing as he concentrates hard on the new object.
Unintentionally, my shoulders stiffen as i hear foot steps making their way down the stairs.
"'Addy?" Ethan calls excitedly, abandoning the remote in an instant before toddling as quickly as i can towards the door.
"Ello monster!"
I hear Garys voice, along with Ethans squeal as he swings him up into the air as usual, before setting him down onto his feet and coming further into the room. Keeping my back towards Gary, i reach for a magazine from the coffee table and open it at a random page. Mature Libby.
"Im sorry." I hear Garys gruff voice besides me as he takes a seat next to be on the cream settee.
"You were sorry two years ago in the Caribbean." I mutter, keeping my eyes on the magazine. "Didnt stop you doing it again."
"Look Libb-"
"No." I cut him off before he has chance to speak because i know if he apologises ill forgive him straight away like always and i cant do that this time. I need to have my say first. "I told you back then that you scared me Gary and you told me to go and not drag it out, you thought i was going to leave you, so why, tell me why youd do it again? What the fuck was all that about?!" I hush my tone, aware of Ethan sat gazing at the television only a few metres away. I look up for the first time and look at Gary who is sat staring at me, his eyes wide, but he doesnt speak. Raising my eyebrows i urge an answer.
"I dont know." He breathes finally. "I dont know i just got caught in the moment and im sorry Lib, im sorry you know id never want to hurt you."
"Well you did." I mutter, rubbing the top of my arm where his fingers had been minutes before.
"I know, i know. I was stupid, really fucking stupid, i dont know what came over me Libby im sorry, I over reacted. By miles."
"Why?"
"Well theres got to be a reason, why did you over react? Whats bothering you that much that you had to take it out on me like that?"
"Dont say that..." Gary grunts, dropping his head before gazing at me again. "You make me sound like some wife beater." His knee touches mine as he relaxes slightly, but i pull away. All i want right now is to curl up on his lap so he cant hold me, but i cant. Not yet. And the physical contact is too much. A few moments of silence pass before i open my mouth again.
"So why did you react like that? Im ill, usually youd be at my beck and call, not pinning me against the wall and swearing at me."
Gary runs his tongue over his top lip, shrugging and shaking his head slowly. "I dont know. I dont know. Im just..." He trails off.
"Just?"
"Worried, stressed i dont know." Gary shakes his head again before dropping it into his hands. "Lib youre pregnant. I barley know what im doing with Ethan, let alone two children."
"Oh" I mutter, i nearly feel sorry for him but i let him continue.
"And Marks spit up with Nicole again and im scared he'll turn to you again."
"Or Nicole to you." I mutter disapprovingly.
"Yea, well whatever. Look i know, i know none of this is an excuse for my behaviour, but you asked so.. Im sorry."
"Are you really worried about having another baby?" I ask steadily, gazing up.
Gary nods slowly, chewing on the inside of his mouth. "Ye.."
"Dont be." I mutter, and before i can stop myself, ive put down the magazine and clambered across the settee onto Garys lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling my head against his shoulder. Hesitantly, he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me further into him as he burys his nose in my hair.
"Im sorry." His whispers again, his breath hot against my ear.
"I know," I whisper back, silently willing him to stop talking. He does, and he rest for a while, wrapped around each other like ivy.
"Mumma." Ethans gently tug on the back of my top forces me to pull away from Gary.
"Yes baby?" I smile, lifting him up so he sits next to us on the settee but he doesnt stay, instead he clambers up and sits in the gap between mine and Garys torsos.
"Oh." Gary widens his eyes in mock shock. "I see how it is!" He gasps, reaching forward and ticking Ethans stomach until hes screeching hysterically. I laugh too as i watch and slide off Garys lap back onto the settee, but leaving my legs across his. As Gary continues to assault Ethan, i reach behind me and pull the blanket down from the back off the settee, splaying it out over our laps before i reach for the remote and flick on the telly.
"Liz-beth." Ethan cries suddenly, panic etched on his tiny brow. "Liz-beth!"
"Alright alright." Garys soothes quickly, standing up and dropping Ethan down next to me. "Ill go and get the bloody rabbit."
Ethan stands on the settee, holding onto the back and watching in morbid curiosity as Gary jogs out of the room.
"'Addy?" He mutters quietly, his eyes fixated on the door. "Where 'addy?"
"Hes gone to get to get Elizibeth." I half laugh, shifting slightly to draw a pattern on the toddlers back with my index finger. "Dont worry, he'll be back."
Right on cue, Gary pops his head back round the door.
"Liz-beth!" Ethan sequels as he spots the pale blue rabbit in Garys hands.
"What do you say?" Gary raises his eyebrows, holding it just out of Ethans reach.
"Thank you." Ethan states perfectly, nodding his head as he takes the rabbit. I glance quickly up at Gary, only to notice his face has erupted into a huge grin.
"Good lad." He smiles and i pat the space at the corner of the settee, beckoning him to sit down. He compiles, and i pull the blanket over the three of us once more, Ethan sat contently in the middle, playing with the ears of the pale blue rabbit as Gary reaches across and pulls my head down onto his shoulder, his arm draped round my neck so his fingertips skim the top of my breasts. I shuffle closer, so Ethan is now half on both of our laps, and tangle my legs with Garys again as he presses his lips against my temple.
"Dont go to work tomorrow." He breathes. I want to roll my eyes but i stop myself as he carries on. "We'll all stay in, like this, just the three of us."
"You mean four?" I cant help but let the smile play on my lips. Gary nods and smiles too.
"Four."
"Noo." Ethan looks up suddenly at puts his hand on my chest. "One." He moves his hand to Garys chest. "Two." And finally to his own. "Free!"
"Right!" Gary laughs wearing a face splitting grin, "Silly us, three it is."
Ethan sighs heavily, obviously a trait hes picked up from Gary, and turns his attention back to the rabbit.
"So.. err.. when are we going to tell him?" Gary mutters, leaning further into me so his breath tickles my ear.
"No idea," I chuckle, "But i dont think hell be happy."
"Hello baby boy." I smile, reaching down and lifting him into my arms. "Wheres daddy eh?"
"Where 'Addy?" Ethan repeats, holding his arms up in confusion. I laugh gently against the top of his head as i walk through to the living room and crash down on the settee.
"'Addyyy, where are youuu?" Ethan calls again, his eyes scanning the living room in search of Gary. I half laugh, half sigh again as i bounce Ethan a little. What the hell has gotten into Gary? I mean, he over reacted, he totally fucking over reacted. Nearly died? I dont think so. If that had been any other day hed be waiting on me hand and foot now making sure i didnt move, not pinning me against the wall. What the fuck was that all about?! Idly, i loose Ethan as he begins to struggle on my lap, and watch as he wonders contently over to the coffee table and picks up the remote control, his little brow furrowing as he concentrates hard on the new object.
Unintentionally, my shoulders stiffen as i hear foot steps making their way down the stairs.
"'Addy?" Ethan calls excitedly, abandoning the remote in an instant before toddling as quickly as i can towards the door.
"Ello monster!"
I hear Garys voice, along with Ethans squeal as he swings him up into the air as usual, before setting him down onto his feet and coming further into the room. Keeping my back towards Gary, i reach for a magazine from the coffee table and open it at a random page. Mature Libby.
"Im sorry." I hear Garys gruff voice besides me as he takes a seat next to be on the cream settee.
"You were sorry two years ago in the Caribbean." I mutter, keeping my eyes on the magazine. "Didnt stop you doing it again."
"Look Libb-"
"No." I cut him off before he has chance to speak because i know if he apologises ill forgive him straight away like always and i cant do that this time. I need to have my say first. "I told you back then that you scared me Gary and you told me to go and not drag it out, you thought i was going to leave you, so why, tell me why youd do it again? What the fuck was all that about?!" I hush my tone, aware of Ethan sat gazing at the television only a few metres away. I look up for the first time and look at Gary who is sat staring at me, his eyes wide, but he doesnt speak. Raising my eyebrows i urge an answer.
"I dont know." He breathes finally. "I dont know i just got caught in the moment and im sorry Lib, im sorry you know id never want to hurt you."
"Well you did." I mutter, rubbing the top of my arm where his fingers had been minutes before.
"I know, i know. I was stupid, really fucking stupid, i dont know what came over me Libby im sorry, I over reacted. By miles."
"Why?"
"Well theres got to be a reason, why did you over react? Whats bothering you that much that you had to take it out on me like that?"
"Dont say that..." Gary grunts, dropping his head before gazing at me again. "You make me sound like some wife beater." His knee touches mine as he relaxes slightly, but i pull away. All i want right now is to curl up on his lap so he cant hold me, but i cant. Not yet. And the physical contact is too much. A few moments of silence pass before i open my mouth again.
"So why did you react like that? Im ill, usually youd be at my beck and call, not pinning me against the wall and swearing at me."
Gary runs his tongue over his top lip, shrugging and shaking his head slowly. "I dont know. I dont know. Im just..." He trails off.
"Just?"
"Worried, stressed i dont know." Gary shakes his head again before dropping it into his hands. "Lib youre pregnant. I barley know what im doing with Ethan, let alone two children."
"Oh" I mutter, i nearly feel sorry for him but i let him continue.
"And Marks spit up with Nicole again and im scared he'll turn to you again."
"Or Nicole to you." I mutter disapprovingly.
"Yea, well whatever. Look i know, i know none of this is an excuse for my behaviour, but you asked so.. Im sorry."
"Are you really worried about having another baby?" I ask steadily, gazing up.
Gary nods slowly, chewing on the inside of his mouth. "Ye.."
"Dont be." I mutter, and before i can stop myself, ive put down the magazine and clambered across the settee onto Garys lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling my head against his shoulder. Hesitantly, he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me further into him as he burys his nose in my hair.
"Im sorry." His whispers again, his breath hot against my ear.
"I know," I whisper back, silently willing him to stop talking. He does, and he rest for a while, wrapped around each other like ivy.
"Mumma." Ethans gently tug on the back of my top forces me to pull away from Gary.
"Yes baby?" I smile, lifting him up so he sits next to us on the settee but he doesnt stay, instead he clambers up and sits in the gap between mine and Garys torsos.
"Oh." Gary widens his eyes in mock shock. "I see how it is!" He gasps, reaching forward and ticking Ethans stomach until hes screeching hysterically. I laugh too as i watch and slide off Garys lap back onto the settee, but leaving my legs across his. As Gary continues to assault Ethan, i reach behind me and pull the blanket down from the back off the settee, splaying it out over our laps before i reach for the remote and flick on the telly.
"Liz-beth." Ethan cries suddenly, panic etched on his tiny brow. "Liz-beth!"
"Alright alright." Garys soothes quickly, standing up and dropping Ethan down next to me. "Ill go and get the bloody rabbit."
Ethan stands on the settee, holding onto the back and watching in morbid curiosity as Gary jogs out of the room.
"'Addy?" He mutters quietly, his eyes fixated on the door. "Where 'addy?"
"Hes gone to get to get Elizibeth." I half laugh, shifting slightly to draw a pattern on the toddlers back with my index finger. "Dont worry, he'll be back."
Right on cue, Gary pops his head back round the door.
"Liz-beth!" Ethan sequels as he spots the pale blue rabbit in Garys hands.
"What do you say?" Gary raises his eyebrows, holding it just out of Ethans reach.
"Thank you." Ethan states perfectly, nodding his head as he takes the rabbit. I glance quickly up at Gary, only to notice his face has erupted into a huge grin.
"Good lad." He smiles and i pat the space at the corner of the settee, beckoning him to sit down. He compiles, and i pull the blanket over the three of us once more, Ethan sat contently in the middle, playing with the ears of the pale blue rabbit as Gary reaches across and pulls my head down onto his shoulder, his arm draped round my neck so his fingertips skim the top of my breasts. I shuffle closer, so Ethan is now half on both of our laps, and tangle my legs with Garys again as he presses his lips against my temple.
"Dont go to work tomorrow." He breathes. I want to roll my eyes but i stop myself as he carries on. "We'll all stay in, like this, just the three of us."
"You mean four?" I cant help but let the smile play on my lips. Gary nods and smiles too.
"Four."
"Noo." Ethan looks up suddenly at puts his hand on my chest. "One." He moves his hand to Garys chest. "Two." And finally to his own. "Free!"
"Right!" Gary laughs wearing a face splitting grin, "Silly us, three it is."
Ethan sighs heavily, obviously a trait hes picked up from Gary, and turns his attention back to the rabbit.
"So.. err.. when are we going to tell him?" Gary mutters, leaning further into me so his breath tickles my ear.
"No idea," I chuckle, "But i dont think hell be happy."
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