When i open my stinging eyes, its morning. As my eyes adjust to the familiar surroundings i realise im in bed.
"Hey..."
"Hey..." I murmur as i sit up slowly.
"Ellooo Mummaaa!!" Ethans ecstatic chirp sounds from Garys knee.
"Hey baby..." I smile warmly, lifting Ethan onto my own knee and pulling him into my chest. "How are you this morning?"
Ethan doesnt answer instead he just point excitedly into the corner of the room where his toy chest sits. "Come play! Come play!"
"Alr-"
"Mummy will come and play in a minute Ethe." Gary cuts in quickly, his mouth set into a grim line. "You go ahead okay and shell join you in a minute, theres a good lad eh." Taking Ethan from my arms, Gary sets him down on the floor, allowing him to toddle off into the corner. Immediately i turn to frown at Gary.
"Is something wrong?..."
"You tell me..." Gary shrugs, pulling his brows together.
"What do you mean?" I shake my head. "I dont understand."
"Libby i came to bring you to bed last night and you were sobbing your heart out. Are you going to tell me whats wrong or not?"
"Oh." I swallow quickly, and all of a sudden i my stomach is sinking again, my heart bouncing to the back of my throat as it beats unsteadily and i feel.....shit
"Oh?..." Gary nods, coaxing me on as he plants a hand on my knee. "Ay come on."
As steadily as i can, i take a long and seemingly calming breath. "Gary, who is Helena?...And dont say nobody because i know thats a lie." Reaching daintily, i dash the tears away from my over-tired and emotional eyes before i continue. "Because, she called you last night, while you were putting Ethan to bed an... we.. i answered it. Shes not just nobody is she Gary?" My body and soul betrays me as the latter part of the sentence escapes my lips as nothing but a staggered sob.
Gary sighs heavily and withdraws his hand in a most unassuring way , from my knee. "Lib..."
"Gary are you having an affair?" The words are out my mouth without me knowing.
"What?!" Gay practically jumps from the bed. "What?! Libby! No!"
"Then who is she?"
"Shes just...." He groans slowly and my heart bursts a little more.
"Gary." I choke. "Who. Is. She."
"Libby...." Gary groans again. "Shes just....someone that we bumped into while me and Mark were out the other month-"
"Month?!" I splutter, and my body spirals down into a state of pure shock. Months!
"N-n-no, listen to me." Gary stares at me wide eyed. "I was mortal and i dont know..."
"You slept with her didnt you?" I pose the question in an almost robotic manner. Im numb.
"Libb..." Gary breathes. And my heart lurches in my chest as the tears roll unstopped down my cheeks because i know, that means yes. It means yes.
"Ohh." I gasp, because its all i can manage as my body doubles over to try and ease the pain of my constantly hurting heart. "Oh fuck."
"N-no Lib."
I hear Gary move, before i feel him climb off the bed and kneel in front of me. "It wasnt like that. You know it wasnt. Libby i wouldnt have even remembered if she didnt keep calling me! Libby. It didnt mean anything okay? Libby are you listening to me?" The desperation in Gary voice pulls further tears from my aleady stinging eyes.
"Is she the only one?" I push the words from my lips as more tears continue to cascade down my cheeks as a barrier to the pain.
"Libby. Look at me." Garys face is twisted into a look of unbearable pain as he reaches suddenly and grips my face firmly between the palms of his smooth hands. My heart luges heavily against my rip cage as i watch a stray tear roll down his cheek, getting lost somewhere among the smattering of stubble. "I need you to trust me Libby. Please. She was the only one. It was nothing. She is nothing. I promise you it was nothing. Its you, i love you Libby. Nobody else. I couldnt love anybody else, even if i tried, its always been you, it always will be you...Please."
My distraught heart feels as though its shattering into a million pieces for the final time as Gary gazes expectantly into my eyes. Tears continuing to stream down my face because all i want to do is hold him, and have him hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay... but i cant do that. Not now.
"Libby..." Gary prompts quietly when i dont say anything. "It was the only time."
"Then-" I choke almost in disbelief at what im about to say. "Then, how come i dont believe you?.." And now i cant see through the river of tears, or hear through the body jolting sobs leaving my fragile skeleton. "How come i dont believe you?"
"Libby..." Garys voice is nothing above a whisper as he physically recoils from my body, withdrawing his hands dragging them down the sides of his own face, as he stands shakily. "Libby no..."
"Im sorry." I gasp for air between the sobs.
"Libby. Dont do this."
"I have to." Entwining my fingers in front of my chest i pray for one last miracle as Gary stands before me, white as sheet apart from the give away shine of tears on his cheeks.
"No..." He breathes once more, but i shake my head.
"Please go..."
"No!" He gasps again, and the expression on his face crushes my soul even more. "Libby no."
"Please dont make this any harder Gary." I wail, fighting every impulse in my body to wrap my arms around him and pull him close for ever and ever.
"Libby, i love you." Garys hands fixate over his mouth as he shakes his head in despair. "I love you. I cant live without you."
"I know..." I whisper. "But youve done this? Dont you see?!"
"I do!I do see! But please, Libby stop! What do you want me to do? Ill do anything! Swear on the moon? The sun?! Our son?! Ethan. No. No. What about Ethan?"
I watch through the waterfall of my tears as Garys breathing increases rapidly, panic claiming every inch of him as he begins to shake. Slowly, i shake my head.
"We'll figure something out.." But my voice is small and unsure.
"Libby, im not going."
"Gary please." I try, and fail to suppress the sob. "Dont hurt me anymore that you already have." And my words hit him like a blade through the heart, as he stands in front of me with his tear stained face and nods slowly, understandingly. And then, all to quickly, he turns, closing the door to as he exits, leaving me and my shattered heart alone for the final time.
"Hey..."
"Hey..." I murmur as i sit up slowly.
"Ellooo Mummaaa!!" Ethans ecstatic chirp sounds from Garys knee.
"Hey baby..." I smile warmly, lifting Ethan onto my own knee and pulling him into my chest. "How are you this morning?"
Ethan doesnt answer instead he just point excitedly into the corner of the room where his toy chest sits. "Come play! Come play!"
"Alr-"
"Mummy will come and play in a minute Ethe." Gary cuts in quickly, his mouth set into a grim line. "You go ahead okay and shell join you in a minute, theres a good lad eh." Taking Ethan from my arms, Gary sets him down on the floor, allowing him to toddle off into the corner. Immediately i turn to frown at Gary.
"Is something wrong?..."
"You tell me..." Gary shrugs, pulling his brows together.
"What do you mean?" I shake my head. "I dont understand."
"Libby i came to bring you to bed last night and you were sobbing your heart out. Are you going to tell me whats wrong or not?"
"Oh." I swallow quickly, and all of a sudden i my stomach is sinking again, my heart bouncing to the back of my throat as it beats unsteadily and i feel.....shit
"Oh?..." Gary nods, coaxing me on as he plants a hand on my knee. "Ay come on."
As steadily as i can, i take a long and seemingly calming breath. "Gary, who is Helena?...And dont say nobody because i know thats a lie." Reaching daintily, i dash the tears away from my over-tired and emotional eyes before i continue. "Because, she called you last night, while you were putting Ethan to bed an... we.. i answered it. Shes not just nobody is she Gary?" My body and soul betrays me as the latter part of the sentence escapes my lips as nothing but a staggered sob.
Gary sighs heavily and withdraws his hand in a most unassuring way , from my knee. "Lib..."
"Gary are you having an affair?" The words are out my mouth without me knowing.
"What?!" Gay practically jumps from the bed. "What?! Libby! No!"
"Then who is she?"
"Shes just...." He groans slowly and my heart bursts a little more.
"Gary." I choke. "Who. Is. She."
"Libby...." Gary groans again. "Shes just....someone that we bumped into while me and Mark were out the other month-"
"Month?!" I splutter, and my body spirals down into a state of pure shock. Months!
"N-n-no, listen to me." Gary stares at me wide eyed. "I was mortal and i dont know..."
"You slept with her didnt you?" I pose the question in an almost robotic manner. Im numb.
"Libb..." Gary breathes. And my heart lurches in my chest as the tears roll unstopped down my cheeks because i know, that means yes. It means yes.
"Ohh." I gasp, because its all i can manage as my body doubles over to try and ease the pain of my constantly hurting heart. "Oh fuck."
"N-no Lib."
I hear Gary move, before i feel him climb off the bed and kneel in front of me. "It wasnt like that. You know it wasnt. Libby i wouldnt have even remembered if she didnt keep calling me! Libby. It didnt mean anything okay? Libby are you listening to me?" The desperation in Gary voice pulls further tears from my aleady stinging eyes.
"Is she the only one?" I push the words from my lips as more tears continue to cascade down my cheeks as a barrier to the pain.
"Libby. Look at me." Garys face is twisted into a look of unbearable pain as he reaches suddenly and grips my face firmly between the palms of his smooth hands. My heart luges heavily against my rip cage as i watch a stray tear roll down his cheek, getting lost somewhere among the smattering of stubble. "I need you to trust me Libby. Please. She was the only one. It was nothing. She is nothing. I promise you it was nothing. Its you, i love you Libby. Nobody else. I couldnt love anybody else, even if i tried, its always been you, it always will be you...Please."
My distraught heart feels as though its shattering into a million pieces for the final time as Gary gazes expectantly into my eyes. Tears continuing to stream down my face because all i want to do is hold him, and have him hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay... but i cant do that. Not now.
"Libby..." Gary prompts quietly when i dont say anything. "It was the only time."
"Then-" I choke almost in disbelief at what im about to say. "Then, how come i dont believe you?.." And now i cant see through the river of tears, or hear through the body jolting sobs leaving my fragile skeleton. "How come i dont believe you?"
"Libby..." Garys voice is nothing above a whisper as he physically recoils from my body, withdrawing his hands dragging them down the sides of his own face, as he stands shakily. "Libby no..."
"Im sorry." I gasp for air between the sobs.
"Libby. Dont do this."
"I have to." Entwining my fingers in front of my chest i pray for one last miracle as Gary stands before me, white as sheet apart from the give away shine of tears on his cheeks.
"No..." He breathes once more, but i shake my head.
"Please go..."
"No!" He gasps again, and the expression on his face crushes my soul even more. "Libby no."
"Please dont make this any harder Gary." I wail, fighting every impulse in my body to wrap my arms around him and pull him close for ever and ever.
"Libby, i love you." Garys hands fixate over his mouth as he shakes his head in despair. "I love you. I cant live without you."
"I know..." I whisper. "But youve done this? Dont you see?!"
"I do!I do see! But please, Libby stop! What do you want me to do? Ill do anything! Swear on the moon? The sun?! Our son?! Ethan. No. No. What about Ethan?"
I watch through the waterfall of my tears as Garys breathing increases rapidly, panic claiming every inch of him as he begins to shake. Slowly, i shake my head.
"We'll figure something out.." But my voice is small and unsure.
"Libby, im not going."
"Gary please." I try, and fail to suppress the sob. "Dont hurt me anymore that you already have." And my words hit him like a blade through the heart, as he stands in front of me with his tear stained face and nods slowly, understandingly. And then, all to quickly, he turns, closing the door to as he exits, leaving me and my shattered heart alone for the final time.
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