My world seemed to stop in that very moment. The effects of too much red wine choosing this very moment to consume my body.
"Gary?" The voice of an angel seeps through the phone and finds its way into my mind, swirling and circling. Nothing is clear.
My jaw drops open slightly. "Eerr." Shit ill give away my cover. With a shaky hand, and blurred sight, i pull the phone from my ear and end the call, relaxing my fingers and letting it clatter to the ground, hitting my knee on the way. Fuck. Fuck.
"Lib?.."
I spin around quickly when i hear his voice behind me.
"Ye?" I swallow. How long has he been here?!
Gary takes another step towards me, hes dressed in only a thin pair of light blue, cotton pyjama bottoms, his hair messy and i know its because hes dragged his fingers though it an uncountable amount of times. "Lib im sorry...about earlier..."
"You always are.." I shrug, surprised my by ability to not give a fuck, but inside, the feeling of relief is dominant. He didnt hear the phone call.
Gary nods slowly, stopping a metre in front of me. "I know."
"You rant at me over nothing, a-and make me feel like shit and then you say youre sorry and expect me to be okay.." My body betrays me as i finish the sentence, giving into a small sob.
"Libb-"
"Dont." I choke quickly, stepping backwards as Gary reaches forwards towards me. I shake my head, but i cant get any words to come out of my mouth, but i know, i know if he touches me hes got me. Ill fully succumb to his body and soul. And he knows that too.
"Libby please dont cry." And the expression on Garys face hurts my heart. But i cant give in, because for the first time ever, i cant help but allow my hazy mind to wonder if its genuine. Or is it all an act? Has he really being fooling me all along? No. No of course he hasnt. "Libby please." Gary repeats. "Please im sorry, just come back to bed, you need to sleep."
"Im fine." I lie,not even thinking to mention the phone call i answered just minutes before now, but he knows me too well.
"Youre many things Elizebeth, but 'fine' isnt one of them right now. Come on, come back to bed with me." Slowly, as if he were asking permission, Gary reaches forwards and takes my hand in his. And as expected, im gone, and i cant fight the subconscious in my mind as i fling my arms around Garys neck, nestling into his warmth and protection. With all my mite i fight the urge to cry, because this is where i want to be, for the rest of my life. I want to be in his arms because i feel safe and loved and cherished.
"Hey..." Gary breathes as he closes his arms around me. "Hey baby its okay... Im sorry. I am, im so sorry." Planting gentle kisses against my ear, through my hair, Gary warps his arms tighter across my shoulders, pulling me further into him.
"I love you." My subconscious groans as the words tumble from my lips. But i cant help it, because i do. I love him more that anything else in this world. Him and Ethan are my world and i cant loose him. I just cant.
"I love you more..." Gary breathes, pulling away slightly, allowing him to brush his thumbs across my cheeks,wiping away and stray tears. "I love you more than anything else in this world. Okay?"
I nod steadily, i awe at his ability to read my mind. Or maybe hes not. Maybe its the truth, and at this very moment, gazing into his dancing green eyes, im finding it hared to believe hed to anything to hurt me, or break my heart, because he loves me. And i know he does.
"Bloody Nora..." Gary mumbles as the sound of Ethans questioning cries roll down the stairs. "Right, you stay here okay?" He whispers gently, stroking a hand across my cheek again. "Im going to see to Ethan and then ill make you a drink, alright?"
I nod pathetically in agreement as i feel the breif warmth of Garys kiss against my lips, before he turns slowly and pads out of the room.
Once again i find myself alone. Alone with my thoughts, my bleak and troubled thoughts. Its a dream Libby. Just a bad dream. But the bitter-sweet voice of a Greek goddess is still playing tricks on my intoxicated mind.
"Oh Gary! Finally baby, i thought you were never going to get away...."
Fuck. I need to lie down. Slowly, i pull my legs back onto the settee, dragging the blanket down that lies across the back and pulling it over my freezing body.
Its nothing. Nothing at all. Im jumping to conclusions, Gary will be able to explain what is going on.
But as sleep sluggishly claims my body, i cant help but let the tears roll down my cheeks. Because no matter what i may tell myself, i know. Deep down inside i know the truth. I know that Gary wont be able to explain, because there is no explanation needed. I know that when he stormed off upstairs it was because he didnt have an argument, because its not just me any more. And deep, deep down, in some untouched corner of my heart or mind, i know that this was inevitable. It was always going to happen. It was just a matter of time, because i was never going to be enough for Gary Barlow. Theres too much temptation in his life. Of course he was going to get bored of me. Im nothing special.
And in the final moments of my hazy consciousness i feel my body quake and jolt under the overbearing power of heart wrenching sobs.
"Gary?" The voice of an angel seeps through the phone and finds its way into my mind, swirling and circling. Nothing is clear.
My jaw drops open slightly. "Eerr." Shit ill give away my cover. With a shaky hand, and blurred sight, i pull the phone from my ear and end the call, relaxing my fingers and letting it clatter to the ground, hitting my knee on the way. Fuck. Fuck.
"Lib?.."
I spin around quickly when i hear his voice behind me.
"Ye?" I swallow. How long has he been here?!
Gary takes another step towards me, hes dressed in only a thin pair of light blue, cotton pyjama bottoms, his hair messy and i know its because hes dragged his fingers though it an uncountable amount of times. "Lib im sorry...about earlier..."
"You always are.." I shrug, surprised my by ability to not give a fuck, but inside, the feeling of relief is dominant. He didnt hear the phone call.
Gary nods slowly, stopping a metre in front of me. "I know."
"You rant at me over nothing, a-and make me feel like shit and then you say youre sorry and expect me to be okay.." My body betrays me as i finish the sentence, giving into a small sob.
"Libb-"
"Dont." I choke quickly, stepping backwards as Gary reaches forwards towards me. I shake my head, but i cant get any words to come out of my mouth, but i know, i know if he touches me hes got me. Ill fully succumb to his body and soul. And he knows that too.
"Libby please dont cry." And the expression on Garys face hurts my heart. But i cant give in, because for the first time ever, i cant help but allow my hazy mind to wonder if its genuine. Or is it all an act? Has he really being fooling me all along? No. No of course he hasnt. "Libby please." Gary repeats. "Please im sorry, just come back to bed, you need to sleep."
"Im fine." I lie,not even thinking to mention the phone call i answered just minutes before now, but he knows me too well.
"Youre many things Elizebeth, but 'fine' isnt one of them right now. Come on, come back to bed with me." Slowly, as if he were asking permission, Gary reaches forwards and takes my hand in his. And as expected, im gone, and i cant fight the subconscious in my mind as i fling my arms around Garys neck, nestling into his warmth and protection. With all my mite i fight the urge to cry, because this is where i want to be, for the rest of my life. I want to be in his arms because i feel safe and loved and cherished.
"Hey..." Gary breathes as he closes his arms around me. "Hey baby its okay... Im sorry. I am, im so sorry." Planting gentle kisses against my ear, through my hair, Gary warps his arms tighter across my shoulders, pulling me further into him.
"I love you." My subconscious groans as the words tumble from my lips. But i cant help it, because i do. I love him more that anything else in this world. Him and Ethan are my world and i cant loose him. I just cant.
"I love you more..." Gary breathes, pulling away slightly, allowing him to brush his thumbs across my cheeks,wiping away and stray tears. "I love you more than anything else in this world. Okay?"
I nod steadily, i awe at his ability to read my mind. Or maybe hes not. Maybe its the truth, and at this very moment, gazing into his dancing green eyes, im finding it hared to believe hed to anything to hurt me, or break my heart, because he loves me. And i know he does.
"Bloody Nora..." Gary mumbles as the sound of Ethans questioning cries roll down the stairs. "Right, you stay here okay?" He whispers gently, stroking a hand across my cheek again. "Im going to see to Ethan and then ill make you a drink, alright?"
I nod pathetically in agreement as i feel the breif warmth of Garys kiss against my lips, before he turns slowly and pads out of the room.
Once again i find myself alone. Alone with my thoughts, my bleak and troubled thoughts. Its a dream Libby. Just a bad dream. But the bitter-sweet voice of a Greek goddess is still playing tricks on my intoxicated mind.
"Oh Gary! Finally baby, i thought you were never going to get away...."
Fuck. I need to lie down. Slowly, i pull my legs back onto the settee, dragging the blanket down that lies across the back and pulling it over my freezing body.
Its nothing. Nothing at all. Im jumping to conclusions, Gary will be able to explain what is going on.
But as sleep sluggishly claims my body, i cant help but let the tears roll down my cheeks. Because no matter what i may tell myself, i know. Deep down inside i know the truth. I know that Gary wont be able to explain, because there is no explanation needed. I know that when he stormed off upstairs it was because he didnt have an argument, because its not just me any more. And deep, deep down, in some untouched corner of my heart or mind, i know that this was inevitable. It was always going to happen. It was just a matter of time, because i was never going to be enough for Gary Barlow. Theres too much temptation in his life. Of course he was going to get bored of me. Im nothing special.
And in the final moments of my hazy consciousness i feel my body quake and jolt under the overbearing power of heart wrenching sobs.
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