Clara has Ethan settled in front of Postman Pat and a bottle of milk when Gary and I step through the door a little after twenty to six. She smiles kindly as she grabs her coat from the hat stand in the hallway.
"I'm sorry for the delay." I shake my head apologetically, "I hope we didn't keep you too long."
"It's no problem at all Mrs Barlow." She chuckles. "He's a pleasure. I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'll see you out I smile."
When I meander back into the lounge Ethan, of course, is no longer contently ogling at the TV, but instead six feet off the ground as Gary lifts him high into the air. Ethan laughs hysterically as his father persists with his newly perfected aeroplane impression and i stand in the doorway for a while, gazing at the man, who half an hour ago, was a different person.
"Have you had a good day monster?" Gary brings Ethan down, close to his chest and blows a kiss against the toddlers temple. Obediently, Ethan nods with no desire to be freed from the captive arms. Gary gasps, moving Ethan over to one hip and with long fingers, straightening out the Thomas the Tank Engine pyjama top."And what have you being doing?"
My son raises a small hand and scrapes at the side of his face, a trait, ive noticed, that hes picked up from his father. "Jus' fings, 'addy." Wide-eyed, Ethan offers his best explanation and now clearly fed up with the conversation, begins to wriggle uncomfortably in Garys hold.
"Just things?" Gary gasps again, and sensing Ethans resilience, begins to tickle him relentlessly until the small child is squirming, squealing and red in the face.
"Be careful." My voice is quiet, unsure of my right to interrupt the moment between man and son. "Clara said hes just eaten."
Gary stops and instantly his mood slips back into the palpable irked manor that he exampled oh so well during the car ride home. Thankfully, my inquisitive son distracts him momentarily.
"H-have you been sin'ing today 'Addy?" Ethans small hand reaches out to grasp Garys ear as he answers.
"No monster, not to day."
"Not today?!" The toddler gasps, unable to comprehend the statement.
"No." Gary explains, his voice smooth and low, but gentle all the same. "Today ive been shouting."
"Shouting?!" Ethans tiny hand covers his equally small mouth.
"Mm-h." Gary nods, raising an eyebrow and glancing, only for a fragment of a second over at me.
"Oh no!"
"I know!"
My blood boils, my eyes narrowing at the back of Garys head, i turn to leave the room.
"Im going to dinner with Jason tonight." His sudden announcement halts me in my tracks.
"Oh." I make an attempt at sounding mildly interested. "Which one?"
"Donovan. Im going tonight because otherwise i wont get to for another four months."
"Right, and you were going to tell me this when exactly?" I try as hard as i can to avoid exposing the hurt in my tone at the lack of an invitation.
"This morning." Garys explains simply, his attention still majorly focused on Ethan who is dragging his mini fingernails through his over grown stubble. "But then as you know, i had another issue to take care of."
"What the fuck Gary?" I bite back the urge to cry, determined not to let him offend me. "I dont understand? Why kiss me -All that in my office!- And then go back to acting like you hate me?"
He shrugs nonchalantly, shifting Ethan over to his left him and tickling the back of his neck. "I knew the kid would walk in soon enough."
Humiliation slaps me in the face as pain bites at my heart. "You bastard!" I choke, tears burning my lids. "You bastard!" Within a second, im out of the room, hurling myself up the stairs as fast as my legs will carry me, not wanting to be anywhere near the man i call my husband for a second longer.
When my face is safely buried amounts the cushions of our bed, i allow the tears to flow freely, racking my body with desperate sobs as i ask myself why he would so something that would cause me to hate him so much . I dont remember at what point my mind slips into an exhausted slumber.
"Libby?" The sound of Garys voice drags me reluctantly back into a state of conscientiousness, and when i open my eyes to see his face inches from mine, i momentarily forget that he is the sole cause of my stinging eyes and throbbing head. I grunt back at him, dropping my head against my folded arms.
"Im going now." His eyes dont meet mine as he runs a forefinger against his top lip.
"You should shave first." I snort, referring to the beard that has been allowed to grow freely for at least ten days.
"I dont have time." Still, Gary looks at the bed sheet.
"Well you should." I bite back, "Its too long."
Gary merely shrugs, unsure of how to answer and slugs his way towards the door. "Yeah, well, Ethans bathed and in bed. Baby monitor is on. Ill see you later." He stands awkwardly for a second and contemplates his next line. "I love you."
I snort loudly. "Sure. Go, enjoy your night. Thanks for inviting me, bringing your wife along for a catch up with mutual friends is over rated anyway."
"Libby- i-" Gary drags his finger nails through the bearded cheek.
"Just-" I hold up both hands, signalling my lack of enthusiasm for another fight. "Go. Just go."
Gary doesnt utter another syllable before turning and his back and leaving me alone once more.
Its half past ten when i eventually give in on waiting for my husband to return, and after seeing to Ethans nightmare induced awakening, i stand in the bathroom scrubbing at my teeth, heaving heavily at the over powering peppermint and quietly cursing my fluctuating taste perception. Im exhausted, and knowing ill be up at the crack of dawn with a bout of morning sickness makes Saturday seem so much less appealing. Idly i wonder if Gary will come and pull my hair out of the way, rubbing my back in a gentle caress like he usually does, or whether he'll continue to keep his distance. A watery film blurs my vision and i curse my hormones for my emotional night. As i rinse my mouth out with a swill of water, theres a rumble of life in the hall way.
Gary doenst call out as he climbs the stairs, but i suspect he thinks ill be asleep. When he reaches the landing, the footsteps pause outside the bathroom door, and i root my gaze to the mirror to watch as, tentatively, it opens. When he slips inside, i reach for my hair brush, adamantly dragging it from root to tip as, hesitantly, Gary steps towards me. I drop my eye contact, staring down at the sink as i continue to pull the brush through my waves. My breath hitches when Garys hand wraps around mine, pulling the brush from my hand before snaking around my waist, pulling me back against him.
"Im sorry."
"Sure," I smile sadly, looking down at the long fingers, locked against my stomach.
"Im am." Garys lips plant a gentle kiss under my ear. "I am. I am. I promise." His arms turn me to face him. I dont resist. Ive missed his embrace. "Im sorry. Im sorry." Garys buries his face against my neck as his arms squeeze tightly around my shoulders. "Please dont be mad."
"Gary." I choke past the lump in my throat, but pressing my face against his neck all the same. "You hurt me."
"I know." Somehow his grip tightens. "I know, im sorry. I cant bare it." He pulls back, running both hands down the sides of my face and cupping my jaw. "I was inexcusable."
I nod. "Yes you were."
"But i love you." Theres an urgency to his tone as he hauls me against him once more, my cheek flat against his heartbeat. "And i need you to tell me that you forgive me."
"Gary.. i-"
"Please." He drops his forehead against mine, screwing his eyes shut in a silent prayer.
Wordlessly, i do the only thing i can think to do, and reach up to press my lips against his. For a second, Gary stills, but when i press harder, he soon responds. Caressing my lips with his own so softly hes almost not there, his left hand coming up to catch the nape of my neck, his right holding the small of my back as we stand in the silence of our bathroom wordlessly kissing away the tensions of the day; and soon i barely remember any of it at all.
"Have you had a good day monster?" Gary brings Ethan down, close to his chest and blows a kiss against the toddlers temple. Obediently, Ethan nods with no desire to be freed from the captive arms. Gary gasps, moving Ethan over to one hip and with long fingers, straightening out the Thomas the Tank Engine pyjama top."And what have you being doing?"
My son raises a small hand and scrapes at the side of his face, a trait, ive noticed, that hes picked up from his father. "Jus' fings, 'addy." Wide-eyed, Ethan offers his best explanation and now clearly fed up with the conversation, begins to wriggle uncomfortably in Garys hold.
"Just things?" Gary gasps again, and sensing Ethans resilience, begins to tickle him relentlessly until the small child is squirming, squealing and red in the face.
"Be careful." My voice is quiet, unsure of my right to interrupt the moment between man and son. "Clara said hes just eaten."
Gary stops and instantly his mood slips back into the palpable irked manor that he exampled oh so well during the car ride home. Thankfully, my inquisitive son distracts him momentarily.
"H-have you been sin'ing today 'Addy?" Ethans small hand reaches out to grasp Garys ear as he answers.
"No monster, not to day."
"Not today?!" The toddler gasps, unable to comprehend the statement.
"No." Gary explains, his voice smooth and low, but gentle all the same. "Today ive been shouting."
"Shouting?!" Ethans tiny hand covers his equally small mouth.
"Mm-h." Gary nods, raising an eyebrow and glancing, only for a fragment of a second over at me.
"Oh no!"
"I know!"
My blood boils, my eyes narrowing at the back of Garys head, i turn to leave the room.
"Im going to dinner with Jason tonight." His sudden announcement halts me in my tracks.
"Oh." I make an attempt at sounding mildly interested. "Which one?"
"Donovan. Im going tonight because otherwise i wont get to for another four months."
"Right, and you were going to tell me this when exactly?" I try as hard as i can to avoid exposing the hurt in my tone at the lack of an invitation.
"This morning." Garys explains simply, his attention still majorly focused on Ethan who is dragging his mini fingernails through his over grown stubble. "But then as you know, i had another issue to take care of."
"What the fuck Gary?" I bite back the urge to cry, determined not to let him offend me. "I dont understand? Why kiss me -All that in my office!- And then go back to acting like you hate me?"
He shrugs nonchalantly, shifting Ethan over to his left him and tickling the back of his neck. "I knew the kid would walk in soon enough."
Humiliation slaps me in the face as pain bites at my heart. "You bastard!" I choke, tears burning my lids. "You bastard!" Within a second, im out of the room, hurling myself up the stairs as fast as my legs will carry me, not wanting to be anywhere near the man i call my husband for a second longer.
When my face is safely buried amounts the cushions of our bed, i allow the tears to flow freely, racking my body with desperate sobs as i ask myself why he would so something that would cause me to hate him so much . I dont remember at what point my mind slips into an exhausted slumber.
"Libby?" The sound of Garys voice drags me reluctantly back into a state of conscientiousness, and when i open my eyes to see his face inches from mine, i momentarily forget that he is the sole cause of my stinging eyes and throbbing head. I grunt back at him, dropping my head against my folded arms.
"Im going now." His eyes dont meet mine as he runs a forefinger against his top lip.
"You should shave first." I snort, referring to the beard that has been allowed to grow freely for at least ten days.
"I dont have time." Still, Gary looks at the bed sheet.
"Well you should." I bite back, "Its too long."
Gary merely shrugs, unsure of how to answer and slugs his way towards the door. "Yeah, well, Ethans bathed and in bed. Baby monitor is on. Ill see you later." He stands awkwardly for a second and contemplates his next line. "I love you."
I snort loudly. "Sure. Go, enjoy your night. Thanks for inviting me, bringing your wife along for a catch up with mutual friends is over rated anyway."
"Libby- i-" Gary drags his finger nails through the bearded cheek.
"Just-" I hold up both hands, signalling my lack of enthusiasm for another fight. "Go. Just go."
Gary doesnt utter another syllable before turning and his back and leaving me alone once more.
Its half past ten when i eventually give in on waiting for my husband to return, and after seeing to Ethans nightmare induced awakening, i stand in the bathroom scrubbing at my teeth, heaving heavily at the over powering peppermint and quietly cursing my fluctuating taste perception. Im exhausted, and knowing ill be up at the crack of dawn with a bout of morning sickness makes Saturday seem so much less appealing. Idly i wonder if Gary will come and pull my hair out of the way, rubbing my back in a gentle caress like he usually does, or whether he'll continue to keep his distance. A watery film blurs my vision and i curse my hormones for my emotional night. As i rinse my mouth out with a swill of water, theres a rumble of life in the hall way.
Gary doenst call out as he climbs the stairs, but i suspect he thinks ill be asleep. When he reaches the landing, the footsteps pause outside the bathroom door, and i root my gaze to the mirror to watch as, tentatively, it opens. When he slips inside, i reach for my hair brush, adamantly dragging it from root to tip as, hesitantly, Gary steps towards me. I drop my eye contact, staring down at the sink as i continue to pull the brush through my waves. My breath hitches when Garys hand wraps around mine, pulling the brush from my hand before snaking around my waist, pulling me back against him.
"Im sorry."
"Sure," I smile sadly, looking down at the long fingers, locked against my stomach.
"Im am." Garys lips plant a gentle kiss under my ear. "I am. I am. I promise." His arms turn me to face him. I dont resist. Ive missed his embrace. "Im sorry. Im sorry." Garys buries his face against my neck as his arms squeeze tightly around my shoulders. "Please dont be mad."
"Gary." I choke past the lump in my throat, but pressing my face against his neck all the same. "You hurt me."
"I know." Somehow his grip tightens. "I know, im sorry. I cant bare it." He pulls back, running both hands down the sides of my face and cupping my jaw. "I was inexcusable."
I nod. "Yes you were."
"But i love you." Theres an urgency to his tone as he hauls me against him once more, my cheek flat against his heartbeat. "And i need you to tell me that you forgive me."
"Gary.. i-"
"Please." He drops his forehead against mine, screwing his eyes shut in a silent prayer.
Wordlessly, i do the only thing i can think to do, and reach up to press my lips against his. For a second, Gary stills, but when i press harder, he soon responds. Caressing my lips with his own so softly hes almost not there, his left hand coming up to catch the nape of my neck, his right holding the small of my back as we stand in the silence of our bathroom wordlessly kissing away the tensions of the day; and soon i barely remember any of it at all.
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