"No mumma!" Ethan attempts to swat away my arms as i pull a navy blue t-shirt over his head. "Bob one! Bob one! Please!"
"Ethan!" I giggle, reaching for a pair of socks. "You cant live in your pyjamas mate!"
"Can! Can! Can! Can! Can!" The toddler chants back, kicking his legs frantically in a vain attempt to avoid me catching his feet. I raise an eyebrow.
"Ethan. Behave."
"Bob one!" He sheiks again, making a move to shimmy off the bed. I grasp him under the arms just in time. This could be a long morning. I glance at the time.
8:47am.
Shit im late. First day back at work in eight months and im late already. Great start Libby. I turn my attention back to the toddler as my patience begins to wear thin.
"Ethan! Sit still and let me get you dressed."
"No!" Ethans limbs fling about aimlessly as his protest takes a swift turn into a temper tantrum. Mentally, i roll my eyes. Taking a deep breath, i gasp his arms gently, effectively forcing the toddler to look up at me.
"Ethan youve got until three to stop crying, understand."
The piercing squeals continue and i sigh.
"On-."
Fucks sake. I groan inwardly once more as the phone begins to ring. Jesus this isnt my morning.
"Gary?!"
"Im on it!"
I smile briefly, but soon turn my attention, once more to my screeching, red faces, worked up, son.
"One.."
Ethans eyes widen, and i can tell hes deciding whether to risk continuing.
"Two.."
The screaming comes to a swift standstill, his tiny bottom lip trembling as little. Yes, good choice.
"Ok mumma." His voice is small as his wipes his eyes with the palms of his hands, although he looks more like hes trying to gouge his eyes out rather than wiping away a stray tear. "Ok mumma." He struggles into a sitting position, and his arms come forward, attempting to wrap around my waist.
"Ah ah." I take a step backwards, picking up the pair of socks. "Socks first. Are you going to put them on or shall i?"
Ethan sniffs and frowns. "You."
"Okay." My tone softens as i sit down on the edge of the bed, pulling Ethan onto my lap.
"Lib?.."
"In the bedroom." I call back to Gary as i hear his footsteps growing closer to our room. "You ok-" But the sight of his pale and ashen face as he enters the bedroom stops me in my tracks.
"What?" I push the word out of a suddenly dry throat, my heart rate doubles in beats per minute and suddenly my world is so fixed upon Garys face that i dont even notice when Ethans slips from my lap begins scampering across the floor. It is only Garys voice that pulls me back to the now.
"Hello monster." He breathes as Ethan approaches, but his voice is eerily quite and uncertain. "Can you do daddy a favour, do you think?"
Ethan nods enthusiastically as Gary smiles a smile that doesnt reach his eyes.
"Can you go and get 'Lizebeth from your room for me please, mate?"
The toddler grins and nods, evidently completely oblivious to the fact that daddy obviously wants him out of the room. When hes gone, Gary shuts the bedroom door too. Bile rises in my throat.
"What is it?" I croak again.
Gary takes a deep breath as he walks towards me, raking a hand through his hair, messing it up entirely.
"Gary!" I press for an answer once more.
"Oh baby." His voice is hoarse, distant even, and my heart drops to my stomach. Tell me, god damn it! "Its your dad."
My world comes to a stand still.
What? Dad? No!
Gary continues to speak. "Hes had another stroke Libby, hes in hospital, it was them that phoned. Hes in a medically induced coma while they run some test -checking for brain damage or something. Your mums there." Sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed next to me, i can tell hes waiting for me to speak. But i dont respond. I cant. My eyes fixate upon the wall in front as my mind tries to process this information.
Not again, please now again.
"Lib, Libby.." Garys voice coaxes gently, promoting me silently to speak. "Please say something."
I open my mouth, but my bottom lip trembles and so i remain silent. And suddenly, im grateful im sitting down as i feel the colour drain from me cheeks, and hear the not-so-steady beat of my heart hammering beneath my skull, deafening me, drowning out anything else.
Dad. Not again, please not again.
My head sways on my shoulders in disbelief. This cant be happening. Not now.
"Libby?!" Gary reaches forward and grasps my hand.
The physical contact is my undoing. And as Garys arms envelop me, pulling my body into his, my hoarded tears run unchecked down my cheeks, my body shaking as sob after gut wrenching sob flushes through me. Within ten seconds, Garys t-shirt is sodden.
"Hey, hey, hey.." He breathes against my neck, and reaching over, he swings my legs across so im sitting across his lap, my arms flung around his shoulders and my head nestled against the crook of his neck as i sob, wail and cry.
"Oh my god.." My voice is shaky when i finally rediscover my power of speech. My head shakes furiously in disbelief. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."
"Hey, hey," Gary whispers again, this time pulling away a little and cupping my face in his hands, his long thumbs brushing across my cheeks to wipe away the mascara-black tears.
"No Gary no.." I shake my head again, my teeth clamping my top lip as more tears threaten to fall."This isnt happening, it isnt... it.."
"Libby.." Garys deflated green eyes find my gaze as he speaks slowly. "Hes going me be alright, okay? He will baby, he will."
"Ethan!" I giggle, reaching for a pair of socks. "You cant live in your pyjamas mate!"
"Can! Can! Can! Can! Can!" The toddler chants back, kicking his legs frantically in a vain attempt to avoid me catching his feet. I raise an eyebrow.
"Ethan. Behave."
"Bob one!" He sheiks again, making a move to shimmy off the bed. I grasp him under the arms just in time. This could be a long morning. I glance at the time.
8:47am.
Shit im late. First day back at work in eight months and im late already. Great start Libby. I turn my attention back to the toddler as my patience begins to wear thin.
"Ethan! Sit still and let me get you dressed."
"No!" Ethans limbs fling about aimlessly as his protest takes a swift turn into a temper tantrum. Mentally, i roll my eyes. Taking a deep breath, i gasp his arms gently, effectively forcing the toddler to look up at me.
"Ethan youve got until three to stop crying, understand."
The piercing squeals continue and i sigh.
"On-."
Fucks sake. I groan inwardly once more as the phone begins to ring. Jesus this isnt my morning.
"Gary?!"
"Im on it!"
I smile briefly, but soon turn my attention, once more to my screeching, red faces, worked up, son.
"One.."
Ethans eyes widen, and i can tell hes deciding whether to risk continuing.
"Two.."
The screaming comes to a swift standstill, his tiny bottom lip trembling as little. Yes, good choice.
"Ok mumma." His voice is small as his wipes his eyes with the palms of his hands, although he looks more like hes trying to gouge his eyes out rather than wiping away a stray tear. "Ok mumma." He struggles into a sitting position, and his arms come forward, attempting to wrap around my waist.
"Ah ah." I take a step backwards, picking up the pair of socks. "Socks first. Are you going to put them on or shall i?"
Ethan sniffs and frowns. "You."
"Okay." My tone softens as i sit down on the edge of the bed, pulling Ethan onto my lap.
"Lib?.."
"In the bedroom." I call back to Gary as i hear his footsteps growing closer to our room. "You ok-" But the sight of his pale and ashen face as he enters the bedroom stops me in my tracks.
"What?" I push the word out of a suddenly dry throat, my heart rate doubles in beats per minute and suddenly my world is so fixed upon Garys face that i dont even notice when Ethans slips from my lap begins scampering across the floor. It is only Garys voice that pulls me back to the now.
"Hello monster." He breathes as Ethan approaches, but his voice is eerily quite and uncertain. "Can you do daddy a favour, do you think?"
Ethan nods enthusiastically as Gary smiles a smile that doesnt reach his eyes.
"Can you go and get 'Lizebeth from your room for me please, mate?"
The toddler grins and nods, evidently completely oblivious to the fact that daddy obviously wants him out of the room. When hes gone, Gary shuts the bedroom door too. Bile rises in my throat.
"What is it?" I croak again.
Gary takes a deep breath as he walks towards me, raking a hand through his hair, messing it up entirely.
"Gary!" I press for an answer once more.
"Oh baby." His voice is hoarse, distant even, and my heart drops to my stomach. Tell me, god damn it! "Its your dad."
My world comes to a stand still.
What? Dad? No!
Gary continues to speak. "Hes had another stroke Libby, hes in hospital, it was them that phoned. Hes in a medically induced coma while they run some test -checking for brain damage or something. Your mums there." Sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed next to me, i can tell hes waiting for me to speak. But i dont respond. I cant. My eyes fixate upon the wall in front as my mind tries to process this information.
Not again, please now again.
"Lib, Libby.." Garys voice coaxes gently, promoting me silently to speak. "Please say something."
I open my mouth, but my bottom lip trembles and so i remain silent. And suddenly, im grateful im sitting down as i feel the colour drain from me cheeks, and hear the not-so-steady beat of my heart hammering beneath my skull, deafening me, drowning out anything else.
Dad. Not again, please not again.
My head sways on my shoulders in disbelief. This cant be happening. Not now.
"Libby?!" Gary reaches forward and grasps my hand.
The physical contact is my undoing. And as Garys arms envelop me, pulling my body into his, my hoarded tears run unchecked down my cheeks, my body shaking as sob after gut wrenching sob flushes through me. Within ten seconds, Garys t-shirt is sodden.
"Hey, hey, hey.." He breathes against my neck, and reaching over, he swings my legs across so im sitting across his lap, my arms flung around his shoulders and my head nestled against the crook of his neck as i sob, wail and cry.
"Oh my god.." My voice is shaky when i finally rediscover my power of speech. My head shakes furiously in disbelief. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."
"Hey, hey," Gary whispers again, this time pulling away a little and cupping my face in his hands, his long thumbs brushing across my cheeks to wipe away the mascara-black tears.
"No Gary no.." I shake my head again, my teeth clamping my top lip as more tears threaten to fall."This isnt happening, it isnt... it.."
"Libby.." Garys deflated green eyes find my gaze as he speaks slowly. "Hes going me be alright, okay? He will baby, he will."
This time I merely shake my head in repose, my voice to small to speak and a ragged breath shakes my body. Gary sighs, a heavy, mournful sigh.
"Come here.." His whispers words are comforting as he pulls my body against his once more, craddling me against him like he does with Ethan some times.
For the next moment, minute, hour maybe, Gary holds my sobbing frame, occasionally murmuring some words of comfort, or tucking a stray stand of hair wordless behind my ear before enveloping me in his arms once more.
update soon
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