My head spins as my body quakes, using every last ounce if energy i have to cry away the pain. The pain. I sob harder. How did we get to here?! We were so happy. So so happy. I wanted to spent the rest of my life with him. I still do want to spend the rest of my life with him. And now...now i have to live with this. This. Hell. Slowly, i risk a glace over at Ethan, who is sat playing obliviously with that bloody blue rabbit, and my jaw clenches automatically as i wail harder into my hands than i ever have before. I cant do this. I know i cant do this. Its been five minutes and i cant live without him. Its as simple as that. I cannot live without him.
"Mumma?"
I gaze down quickly as i feel a small tug at my sleeve. "Mumma, i kiss it better."
Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip to stop the building sob, i watch with blurred vision as the toddler plants one, two, three, four wet kisses against the back of my hand.
"Der you go Mumma!" Ethans voice brims with glee as he beams proudly up at me.
"Thank you." I force out a smile, fighting to keep the tears at bay. "Thank you baby."
"Better now!" Ethan giggles happily once more, before turning unsteadily on his little feet and toddling back over to the corner of the room.
Fuck. Fuck.
And then, before i know what im doing, im running. Out of the bedroom, toppling down the stairs and swinging around the banister. Running and screaming. Flying down the hall and flinging open the front door. Still screaming at the top of my voice and sprinting as fast as my weakened legs will carry me, bare footed, across the gravel drive. Running, running until i reach the garage and screeching at the top of my lungs once more.
"Gary!" I wail. And by some miracle, he spins around as he leans with his back to the bonnet of the car. "Gary dont go!"
"Lib?..."
"Gary." I choke, out of breath as i stand bewildered in front of him. Libby what are you doing?! Say something! "Dont go."
"What?.." Gary moves his rigid body from the car and walks precariously towards me, stopping about a metre away.
"Dont go." I shake my head as i dash stray tears from my eyes with the backs of my hands, uttering the only words that make sense to me at this moment. "Dont go. I cant live without you."
"Lib..." Gary breathes again, and i know its because he doest know what to say. "Lib, i cant loose you." His voice breaks on the last words and the look of desperation on his face shatters my heart with triumph.
And now the aching is too much, and i can contain myself no longer as i dive forwards, hurling myself at Gary, my arms tangling around his shoulders, my face buried in the crook of his neck as his returning arms close around me, pulling me closer against him.
Im not sure how long we're stood there, with nothing but the sounds of our slightly eratic breaths and occasional sniffles to fill the over sized garage, when Gary speaks slowly.
"I didnt sleep with her Libby.."
"What?" I recoil slowly, as the actual definition of his words seep though my tear stained skin.
"I didnt sleep with her."
"What?" I screw my face up in confusion as i gaze through my lashes at Gary, who is regarding me intently, his hands maintaining a strong grip on my waist. "You didnt tell me that when we were back in the bedroom!" I choke. "Why didnt you tell me?!"
"Would you have believed me?" Garys tone is plain and serious as his right eyebrow twitches slightly.
I swallow hard, amazed by the mans capability to know my mind mind better than i know it myself. I shake my head slowly, "No."
"See.." Gary breathes, and its a sigh of relief and exhaustion.
"So.." I swallow, trying, still, to get my head around the events of the last hour or so. "Were you going to go?..."
"Libby if i was going to go i would have gone by now..."
"You knew id come out to you?.."
"I hoped.." Gary swallows, almost nervously.
"And what if i hadnt?"
Gary shrugs slowly, nodding towards the black Audi to our left. "I would have driven around for a while... given you chance to clear your head because i know, when youre like that, you dont listen to anything im saying...If id denied anything happening, you wouldnt have believed me, while you were in that state. And i need you to. I need you to believe me, because nothing happened, i was drunk, she gave me her nu-"
"I dont want to know." I swallow quickly, waving my hand in the hair to symbolise the insignificance of what hes saying. "I dont want to know. It doesnt matter."
"Libby you and Ethan are my life. My life. You know i would never do anything that would cause me to loose you. I couldnt live without you, either of you. I dont want to sleep with anyone else, i dont need to sleep with anyone else, why would i when i have you? Im not that guy Libby, i dont do that stuff, thats...thats not me-"
"I know." I sniff. "I know." And now the tears are rolling down my cheeks once more because i feel stupid. Stupid for even thinking for one moment that this man would hurt me. "I know youre not."
"Hey..Dont cry.." Gary reaches gently forwards, running his thumbs against my cheeks, effectively brushing away the tears. "Its okay, isnt it, its okay?"
"Ye." I sniff again, stepping into him once more, allowing him to wrap his arms around me like he always does when he wants to protect me.
"Come here...Dony cry...Im the one thats getting kicked out!"
I giggle softly against Garys shoulder at his attempt to make light of the situation.
"Thats better." He breathes, moving both hands to the nape of my neck, and we both know whats coming next. "I love you."
But before I can mutter so much as syllable in response, Garys mouth is on mine, his tongue probing softy at my lips, asking permission, which I of course grant, parting my lips slightly as my fingers swirl in the short hairs at the back of his head, my eyes closing automatically. Gary continues to kiss me slowly, steadily. One arm running down the length of my back and resting softly in the dip of my spine, the other cupping the back of my head, knotted fingers beneath my hair as he keeps my lips against his. I moan gently as our mouthes move with each other, our tongues stroking rhythmically against the other, playing and teasing as we fall deeper into the pool of passion consuming the both of us.
Breathlessly, I pull away. "I love you too. Always." I whisper, planting a kiss against the corner of Garys, slightly parted lips.
"Mumma?"
I gaze down quickly as i feel a small tug at my sleeve. "Mumma, i kiss it better."
Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip to stop the building sob, i watch with blurred vision as the toddler plants one, two, three, four wet kisses against the back of my hand.
"Der you go Mumma!" Ethans voice brims with glee as he beams proudly up at me.
"Thank you." I force out a smile, fighting to keep the tears at bay. "Thank you baby."
"Better now!" Ethan giggles happily once more, before turning unsteadily on his little feet and toddling back over to the corner of the room.
Fuck. Fuck.
And then, before i know what im doing, im running. Out of the bedroom, toppling down the stairs and swinging around the banister. Running and screaming. Flying down the hall and flinging open the front door. Still screaming at the top of my voice and sprinting as fast as my weakened legs will carry me, bare footed, across the gravel drive. Running, running until i reach the garage and screeching at the top of my lungs once more.
"Gary!" I wail. And by some miracle, he spins around as he leans with his back to the bonnet of the car. "Gary dont go!"
"Lib?..."
"Gary." I choke, out of breath as i stand bewildered in front of him. Libby what are you doing?! Say something! "Dont go."
"What?.." Gary moves his rigid body from the car and walks precariously towards me, stopping about a metre away.
"Dont go." I shake my head as i dash stray tears from my eyes with the backs of my hands, uttering the only words that make sense to me at this moment. "Dont go. I cant live without you."
"Lib..." Gary breathes again, and i know its because he doest know what to say. "Lib, i cant loose you." His voice breaks on the last words and the look of desperation on his face shatters my heart with triumph.
And now the aching is too much, and i can contain myself no longer as i dive forwards, hurling myself at Gary, my arms tangling around his shoulders, my face buried in the crook of his neck as his returning arms close around me, pulling me closer against him.
Im not sure how long we're stood there, with nothing but the sounds of our slightly eratic breaths and occasional sniffles to fill the over sized garage, when Gary speaks slowly.
"I didnt sleep with her Libby.."
"What?" I recoil slowly, as the actual definition of his words seep though my tear stained skin.
"I didnt sleep with her."
"What?" I screw my face up in confusion as i gaze through my lashes at Gary, who is regarding me intently, his hands maintaining a strong grip on my waist. "You didnt tell me that when we were back in the bedroom!" I choke. "Why didnt you tell me?!"
"Would you have believed me?" Garys tone is plain and serious as his right eyebrow twitches slightly.
I swallow hard, amazed by the mans capability to know my mind mind better than i know it myself. I shake my head slowly, "No."
"See.." Gary breathes, and its a sigh of relief and exhaustion.
"So.." I swallow, trying, still, to get my head around the events of the last hour or so. "Were you going to go?..."
"Libby if i was going to go i would have gone by now..."
"You knew id come out to you?.."
"I hoped.." Gary swallows, almost nervously.
"And what if i hadnt?"
Gary shrugs slowly, nodding towards the black Audi to our left. "I would have driven around for a while... given you chance to clear your head because i know, when youre like that, you dont listen to anything im saying...If id denied anything happening, you wouldnt have believed me, while you were in that state. And i need you to. I need you to believe me, because nothing happened, i was drunk, she gave me her nu-"
"I dont want to know." I swallow quickly, waving my hand in the hair to symbolise the insignificance of what hes saying. "I dont want to know. It doesnt matter."
"Libby you and Ethan are my life. My life. You know i would never do anything that would cause me to loose you. I couldnt live without you, either of you. I dont want to sleep with anyone else, i dont need to sleep with anyone else, why would i when i have you? Im not that guy Libby, i dont do that stuff, thats...thats not me-"
"I know." I sniff. "I know." And now the tears are rolling down my cheeks once more because i feel stupid. Stupid for even thinking for one moment that this man would hurt me. "I know youre not."
"Hey..Dont cry.." Gary reaches gently forwards, running his thumbs against my cheeks, effectively brushing away the tears. "Its okay, isnt it, its okay?"
"Ye." I sniff again, stepping into him once more, allowing him to wrap his arms around me like he always does when he wants to protect me.
"Come here...Dony cry...Im the one thats getting kicked out!"
I giggle softly against Garys shoulder at his attempt to make light of the situation.
"Thats better." He breathes, moving both hands to the nape of my neck, and we both know whats coming next. "I love you."
But before I can mutter so much as syllable in response, Garys mouth is on mine, his tongue probing softy at my lips, asking permission, which I of course grant, parting my lips slightly as my fingers swirl in the short hairs at the back of his head, my eyes closing automatically. Gary continues to kiss me slowly, steadily. One arm running down the length of my back and resting softly in the dip of my spine, the other cupping the back of my head, knotted fingers beneath my hair as he keeps my lips against his. I moan gently as our mouthes move with each other, our tongues stroking rhythmically against the other, playing and teasing as we fall deeper into the pool of passion consuming the both of us.
Breathlessly, I pull away. "I love you too. Always." I whisper, planting a kiss against the corner of Garys, slightly parted lips.
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